Fan art: Zig

Look! My first fan art!!

My sister drew Zig! He’s so perfect! I love Him! 💖💗💓💞💘


Look who’s playing on Pintrest

For a long time now, I’ve been saving random images in files for character/art references. Would you believe that it just now occurred to me to start a Pintrest board and share them? Yeeeah, I’m super quick on the draw. :/

I still have a couple of images I’m having a hard time tracking down the original source for, and some are one offs where the model/actor looks NOTHING LIKE my character except in that one shot, but I promise it will growing. Especially as I keep doing more and more art for Asylum. I’m a pretty decent sketch artist, but my faces always all look the same if I don’t use a reference. So, share in my reference hoard, dear readers. 🙂

Lamest Birthday present ever


So, it turns out, making a video is harder than I’d thought (and I’d already expected it to be pretty hard.) I get really super awkward on camera (which I already knew) and my apartment is SUPER dark (which I also already knew), but things like WHERE TO FREAKING LOOK, and WHAT ARE THESE NOODLE THINGS COMING OUT OF MY SHOULDERS OMGARETHOSEARMSNOWAY really threw me for a loop.

I have big plans for videos to go along with Asylum, mostly involving “How do you say X, Y, and Z? Your made up language is messed up.” Something you can only do with sound, ya know? So even though I kinda hated making a video, because awkward, I really enjoyed it, and wanted to give myself a present for Asylum’s 3rd birthday. I hope you enjoyed it, and if you didn’t, well, it’s my party. 😛

A meta memorial

The Underground was quiet. Each step I took seemed to echo, not in a way heard by ears, but more felt in the empty, vibrating air. I let myself into the back parlor, hopped up on the bench, and waited for Zig.

I met him weak smile for weak smile, slipping back off the bench and wrapping him in a tight hug. “You up for this?” I asked when I pulled back, unable to read his face. That beautiful, goofy face, usually so clear to me, lost to a haze of a million directions. He was grieving, he was in denial, he was stony silent, he was laughing it all off. He was somber, face set in rage, bawling openly and utterly blank, all at once. For a minute, I was kinda jealous he could do that, feel the full range of his potential all in one go and get it over with. When we were done here, he would be better. I would still have the real world to get back to.

His face settled into one of my favorites, a soft, sardonic smile that actually reflected the true meaning of the word, rather than used as a misplaced attempt to say sarcastic but sound smarter. His best smiles always came a little bit at his own expense, and that was part of what I loved about him.

“Are you up for this?” he countered. “You’ve been trying to write this for days.”

I checked him with my shoulder as I moved back to the padded bench. “Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’ve got a lot of crap on my plate and you know it. Now shut up and take advantage of this moment, before it all goes south and I have to start over again.” We were both getting pretty tired of these false starts.

He nodded and I laid back, staring at the faces in the drop ceiling. Foam tiles in my world always looked speckle-sterile. Here, each cluster of dots looked like tiny, eager goblins, waiting not-so-patiently for someone to say her right words. I wondered if Zig had any right words for this. I sure as hell didn’t.

“You want me to do a test line, or do you got this?”

I made a face at him, annoyed that he was breaking scene. I got enough of that crap from Rook. “You wanna gimme my “first tat” or not, Ziggo?” Never mind that mine was three-days-old and just starting to flake. We wanted this, and here, I could do what I wanted, damnit. Within limits.

“Suit yourself.” The gun buzzed to life and I waited for that first burst of pain.

I knew it didn’t actually hurt. I knew I’d blink kinda stupidly, give a little half-laugh and go “That’s it?”. But knowing how the story ends doesn’t change how you get there, and right now, I was still wrangling the butterflies and imagining a burning fire worse than anything I’d ever willingly done for fun and kink. I was relieved to be wrong again, and gave Zig the go ahead to start in again with actual ink.

The vibrations are the worst. More than anything else, its the vibrations that drive me crazy. It’s less like fire and more like that time I accidentally touched a live wire at my uncle’s house and my thumb went to sleep for hours. My ink started to go numb, bright spots of pain only flaring when the design strayed too close to my collar bone. I had more trouble keeping down the nausea from the horrible, dentist-reminiscent medical glove smell than anything. The dentist… yeah, this was disturbingly like that. Now the buzzing of the gun made my teeth ache, and I had to fight the urge to keep opening my mouth so Zig could work.

“Chica, you think the weirdest things.”

I startled, then swore as I realized I’d jumped. Zig just laughed, already anticipating the motion before he’d spoken. Someways, he knew me as well as I knew him.

“You need a break?”

I shook my head, and resettled my shoulders. “Nah, I’m good. It’s more the shock of it than anything else. As long as I lay here and don’t think about it, it’s not quite real.”

“Well, think of England then, cause I’m about to start the shading. That’s always the worst.”

I thought of the tangle of tree branches that covered his ribs and wondered how long it had taken him to sit through that much work on bone. Flashes of his first tat, the star on his hand, whirled through my mind, whispering the beginnings of a scene. I tried to spindle them away for later, tucked in with the snippet of that same star getting an orange and blue face lift, and tried to ground myself in the present moment. If this was how Rook saw the world, I owed him an apology. It was almost impossible not to go meta when the whole of time and space tugged at you like that.

Like the grey creeping dawn, music had sifted into the parlor without me noticing at first. I only realized now because I was somehow listening to Blackstar and the opening title of Labyrinth at the same time. Not the usual odd back and forth my brain did, where lyrics wove together into something bizarrely new, but honest to god two songs at once, without either standing out above the other.

“You doin’ that?” I asked between strokes.

“Don’t think so,” Zig murmured, hardly pausing. He must be nearly done with the star then.

Something happened on the day he died… It’s not long at all…

At home, I’d been so focused on ignoring the house music that the echoes of Bowie in my head had been what kept my attention from the pain. Here, I was fascinated by the strands of magic I could feel weaving around each note, trying to follow their sources and meaning, feeling more than a little like Tripp. He, I was confidant, could have made sense of this all. I felt more like I’d eaten a certain peach, but had little desire to notice the clock on the wall. I’d stay here as long as my brain would let me.

Zig didn’t bother asking which orange and blue I wanted, and I didn’t really mind. The music was cradling me, carrying me along to parts unknown in a crystal ball. Asking would have broken the spell, and if anyone could pick the right shades for this, it’d be Zig.

I only flinched when I felt a shift in the sensation- still a mad buzzing, but no dots of pain. I looked down for the first time in this whole process, and saw Zig’s hand on my shoulder, gun working to outline his own star rather than fill in mine.

He didn’t mirror my lightning bolt, but traced the outline of his little black star on one side, accenting it with blue for a sort of 3-D effect.


I could feel his smile, even if I couldn’t see it.

Days later, I came back, finding the upstairs just as empty, but the kitchen downstairs was humming with quiet chatter. Zig was cooking something spicy and wonderful, Jules and Rain were curled up on the couch, somehow looking into the kitchen through that damned table island that just plain defied basic physics. Tripp pulled his usual ninja bullshit, sneaking up behind me even though I had to know he was there to write him.

“I will never get used to this bullshit,” I swore as he handed me mug of spiced hot chocolate. The gentle giant only smiled, and steered me to the kitchen table with a hand on my back.

Sera was there, and not there, and while that weirded me out, I found it strangely comforting. It was kinda nice not to be totally omniscient—made the off-balance-vaguely-lost feeling I’d been nursing all week somehow tolerable. I gave her a little wave as I sat down, mentally apologizing for not being sure if she was here yet, or even how to spell her name, and I could hear her laugh, see her smile and nod, and get up to go stand with Tripp all at the same time. Yup, those two certainly worked.

Zig coughed politely to warn me of a spoilers, then asked how my ink was holding up. Here, with a little help from some good old fashioned wish fulfillment, it was mostly healed and didn’t need any touch ups. I was just here for the nachos (as I’d vetoed the strips of beef Zig was frying from fajitas to something more palatable), the beer, and the party. More than once, I caught of a rush of movement in open doorways, or a flash of eyes and wicked smiles in any reflective surface. The chatter of goblin giggles made a good counterpoint to the quiet kitchen chatter, I thought. I could even mostly ignore the vertigo of having my back to the living room, but still being able to see it somewhere vaguely off to my right every time Rain or Jules made a comment. The Underground was more than a little mad, but it was home.

“All I’m saying,” Rain said a little too loudly, having traded her chocolate for beer a few drinks back, “is that he went into a wardrobe—a wardrobe! Come on! Don’t any of you read?”

Tripp raised an eyebrow at that, and I think I heard Sera laugh. I know I heard Zig mutter, “Not children’s books. No PG-13 rating for me, thanks.”

“It did get suddenly and violently cold over the weekend,” I added, enjoying the fact that my private theory had leeched into Rain’s head. We didn’t always see eye to eye, but she was a good vehicle for this, I thought.

As hoped, Rain pounced on my input like a terrier. “See! Jadis came to take him home and there’s nothing any of you can say to convince me otherwise.”

“What about Alan Rickman?” Tripp asked in his usual even tone.

“I’m not ready to talk about that,” Rain answer, flopping back onto the couch. I could practically see the word “Pout” in a little action bubble around her. I entertained notions of leases being up in certain fictional apartment buildings and let it go at that.

The evening ran its course, disappearing in a puff of time lapse and leaving me a little dizzy. Maybe it was the beer? I couldn’t count how many I’d had because by my reckoning, I hadn’t even finished my chocolate yet, let alone started in on the booze, but between one paragraph and the next I was nursing a pretty decent buzz and was curled up in the overstuffed chair in the living room, starting to doze.

“Damnit,” I mumbled, seeing the end coming in fast. “I missed eating my nachos.”

Character Questionnaire: Rowan

They’re back!

You guys remember the Character Questionnaires, right? My co-author has been working on a few from her end of the narrative, to give you guys some insight on characters I know as little about as you do. We’re still hard at work on polishing up Asylum, so here’s a sneaky peek into one of their quieter ranks, Rowan.


1.) Describe your character’s relationship with their mother or their father, or both. Was it good? Bad? Were they spoiled rotten, ignored? Do they still get along now, or no?

Family is definitely a sore spot with Rowan. He kinda gets along with his mother, but definitely not with his father or older brother. He was often overshadowed by his hawk brother and never masculine enough for his father.

2.) What are your characters most prominent physical features?

Ro is lanky. He’s tall, about 6’, but he seems taller because he isn’t particularly broad through the shoulders. He’s pale, with longish dark hair that falls around his face somewhat dramatically. Grey eyes that seem to get paler or darker based on his mood.

3.) Name one scar your character has, and tell us where it came from. If they don’t have any, is there a reason?

He actually has a good, thin, but long cut from just above his right hip bone, up to his mid back. I don’t know what he and his brother got into, but he was pushed through a glass door and a piece caught him just wrong.

4.) How vain is your character? Do they find themselves attractive? 

Eh, Ro’s really not that self-aware. He knows people find him attractive, but unless he’s dressing for the stage, he doesn’t think about it.

5.) What’s your character’s ranking on the KINSEY SCALE? 

Ro (despite his father’s thoughts on men in theater) is about a 0. Maybe a 1, but it’s incredibly rare to the point that I don’t know that we have any guys he’d be into.

6.) Describe your character’s happiest memory.

The day he ran away from home to join the theater on campus. Being out from under his father’s thumb was more freeing than actually flying.

7.) Is there one event or happening your character would like to erase from their past? Why? 

The fights he had with his brother. It wasn’t his fault that he was as poisoned by their father as he was. Ro could have avoided rising to the bait and circumvented the fight if he just knew that he was going to get out and do his own thing eventually.

8.) Day of Favorites! What’s your character’s favorite ice cream flavor? Color? Song? Flower?

Favorite ice cream flavor – Rocky Road.

Favorite color – Blue, though he prefers to wear red.

Favorite song – The Cure’s Lovecats.

Favorite flower – He’s a sentimentalist – red rose.

9.) Who does your character trust?

I’m pretty sure this answer will be the same for any of my Asylum characters – the nest is pretty solid. In particular? Emily, Nica, Kain.

10.) Can you define a turning point in your character’s life? Multiples are acceptable.

Running away from home, finding the theater, finding Asylum, meeting Emily and introducing her to Asylum.

11.) Is there an animal you equate with your character? 

I find this question hilarious with all these shifters – he’s a raven shifter.

R: That’s hardly fair, babe. Just because they’re shifters doesn’t mean they don’t have other animal characteristics – just look at the grumpy old dog Seth is. 😛

12.) How is your character with technology? Super savvy, or way behind the times? Letters or email? 

He’s pretty savvy, I get the feeling that he’s taken a few computer classes as extra-curriculars.

13.) What does your character’s bed look like when he/she wakes up? Are the covers off on one side of the bed, are they all curled around a pillow, sprawled everywhere? In what position might they sleep?

Ro tends to sleep on his belly, pretty sprawled out and with the blankets somehow tangled over his legs, if he gets one free, a foot will dangle over the edge. As a result, when he wakes up, he tends to dump all the blankets on the floor. He’ll throw them back on haphazardly, then go about his day.

R: This surprised the hell out of me, given how fastidious Rowan seems. But I imagine most avians get too warm when they sleep, and I can see the messy/not messy bed being left over from growing up. …and now I’m dying inside at the idea of a teenager rebelling by not making his bed.

14.) How does your character react to temperature changes such as extreme heat and cold?

He doesn’t like either – but he won’t whine about it, just sit shivering until someone notices and curls up with him.

R: That is precious. Also, side note readers- as an avian, he’ll thermo-regulate better than just about anyone else.

15.) Is your character an early morning bird or a night owl?

Night owl, most of Asylum is.

R: I just can’t seem to keep my comments to myself now- On the dancer’s skewed bias, he is one of the first ones up, mostly because of Emily.

16.) Are there any blood relatives that your character is particularly close with, besides the immediate ones? Cousins, Uncles, Grandfathers, Aunts, et cetera. Are there any others that your character practically considers a blood relative? 

Nope, not really. The hawks in his family are pretty stuck up and he doesn’t know any of the corvids from his mother’s side.

17.) What’s your character’s desk/workspace look like? Are they neat or messy?

Rowan lives in a state of controlled chaos when it comes to his desk and bookshelves – they look chaotic, but 9/10, if you ask him where something is, he can pinpoint it.

18.) Is your character a good cook? What’s their favorite recipe, whether they’re good or not? (Microwave mac-and-cheese applies.)

Like most of the nest, he lets Kain do most of the cooking, but occasionally he’ll make spaghetti.

19.) What’s your character’s preferred means of travel? 

Walking actually. Any place he’s interested in going he can get there by foot (R: Or wing?). His main experiences with cars is being stuck in one with his oppressive family.

20.) Does your character have any irrational fears? 

That his father will show up to one of his shows and audibly boo him on stage.

21.) What would your character’s CUTIE MARK be?

Probably feathered tragedy/comedy theater masks.

22.) If your character could time travel, where would they go?

Probably back to his 14th birthday and tell himself about Asylum sooner.

23.) Is your character superstitious? 

Not really, save for some of the usual theater one’s that he’s picked up from his time on the college stage: they commonly try to outdo one another by ‘cursing’ each other before a performance and he will never be caught dead wearing green onstage.

R: Huh, I didn’t know that. Makes me wonder if he cringes if any of the dancers wear green costuming.

24.) What might your character’s ideal romantic partner be?

Elegant, intelligent, quiet and creative…

25.) Describe your character’s hands. Are they small, long, calloused, smooth, stubby?

He has long, elegant hands, but there are small callouses from hoisting ropes and pulling himself up on poles and various lighting set ups.

26.) Second day of favorites! Favorite comfort food, favorite vice, favorite outfit, favorite hot drink, favorite time of year, and favorite holiday. 

Favorite food – As silly as it is, a good burger is still one of his favorites.

Favorite vice – I’m really not sure that Ro has an ‘immoral or wicked’ behavior in him.

Favorite outfit – A black button up over a dark undershirt with a logo of some sort and his black jeans.

Favorite hot drink – He loves mocha lattes with cinnamon.

Favorite time of year – Spring, they always seem to perform his favorite plays in the springtime.

Favorite holiday – Halloween, he loves the theatrics of getting dressed up.

27.) Pick two songs that describe your character at two different points of their life, and explain why you chose them. 

Everybody’s Fool by Evanescence – He hates how fake his family is and how they forced him to try to be the same.

Butterfly on a Wheel by Mission UK – He’s a sentimentalist at heart, a true romantic. Love gives him his greatest hope and is also his most crushing weakness.

28.) If your character’s life was a genre, what would it be? 

Romantic Comedy, easily.

R: Easily. *nods sagely*

29.) How does your character smell? Do they wear perfume or cologne? 

Cedar, smoke, general warmth. He really only wears the soap that Kain makes for him.

30.) And finally: Write a letter to your character, from yourself. 

Dear Rowan,

Don’t worry, she feels exactly about you as you do about her. And you’ll get to find that out pretty soon, before the year’s out, I promise. ❤

Caitlin Gussenhoven

R: *squeeeeeeeeeee*