If we were having coffee: Aug 23

Β If we were having coffee this weekend, I’d tell you this week is not for the faint of heart. Id’ encourage anyone that didn’t want to walk with me down the road of dealing with depression, that it would be ok to get off the bus now, and wait for things to level out. I wouldn’t hold it against anyone, cause I’d get off this damned bus if I could.

And this week, I’m realizing I can.

The first step is admitting I’m on the bus in the first place. Some of you may have noticed I don’t post much anymore–I’ve been depressed. I don’t know yet if it’s full on clinically depressed, or just gone through a funk, or what, but I take it as a good sign that it’s gotten bad enough I want it to stop. (…Cause that make sooooo much sense. Don’t I always?)

If you stuck around, I’d enlist your help. As much as you’re willing/able to give. Drop me a random comment/tweet telling me to smile, cause someone thought about me. Direct me to resources for finding a counselor willing to take on a polyamorous, genderfluid, bisexual pagan–because let’s face it, that’s a far cry from the mainstream, and the last thing I need someone trying to fix my problems by fixing things I don’t consider to be wrong with me (Pray the Gay Away my ass). I’d ask for emails and prayers, ask you tell me about the stupid little things in your day that make you happy. I’d ask you ask how Asylum is doing, and remind me that people do read this damned thing and want to know what I have to say. I’d ask you to do as little or as much as you’re comfortable doing, because I wouldn’t really be comfortable asking. But I know its time for something to change.

If you follow on other platforms (especially Twitter, I think), I’d tell you now that you might wanna mute me for a bit, because I’m going to be bombarding my little pieces of the internet with a combo of uplifting messages, and visibility posts so I can’t hide anymore. Because this has really been going on for YEARS, and the only person who’s known is my wonderfully support girlfriend, because she’s the one person I can’t hide from.

So yeah. This week, coffee would be on me, cause I’d feel guilty as hell for dragging you into this mess. But I’d hope that if you’d stuck around, made it this far, it’s because we’re really friends, and I’ve been too sad to see it. I want to have friends again. I want to get out of this dark, dark place. So if you’re still with me this far: hang in there, and help me hang in there. There’s a light at the end of this, and I think it’s where I get off this bus.

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14 thoughts on “If we were having coffee: Aug 23

  1. Sending lots of good thoughts your way. I’ve struggled with anxiety and depression issues myself, and it’s a really difficult thing. But it is possible t move through it, especially when you have someone to lean on. I find that yoga helps me a lot, though some days I have to *make* myself do it because I’m lazy.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. You’ve taken the most difficult step…admitting/realizing that there is a problem and wanting to do something about it. Good for you!

    I shall be thinking about you and checking in on your blog. Be good to yourself.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. *Hands you a coffee and gives you a hug to go along with it*

    Sweetie, we’re still ON this bus and we’re gonna ride it until we get to the destination. And what kind of friend would I be if I decided to get off the bus when things get tough? That’s not what friends do. They support each other when things get dark and scary and continue to offer support and guidance.

    Let me know if I can do anything extra to help!

    *hugs*

    Liked by 1 person

  4. *Hugs*
    The “depression air” is bad out there this year, it’s really taking a toll on those of us who deal with it. Know that we’re here for you — and that you don’t have to go through it alone. Maybe start asking around locally, among friends, to see if anyone knows a good counselor… and I bet there are some online places that can help provide insight into resources.
    If you EVER need to talk, I’m just an email, FB-chat, or tweet away. *More hugs*

    Liked by 1 person

  5. https://www.moodscope.com/blog/

    That website really helps me when I’m having my low days… It’s just a lot of different people communicating about mental health, offering little bits of advice, etc.

    A neat tool I learned from them is the ‘four rooms’ philosophy. My four rooms are: Physical, Mental, Emotional, and Creative. The goal is to balance your activities between the four rooms. It’s really helped me catch those days where I forget to take ‘me time’ or days where I forget to exercise.

    Stay strong, girl! You’ve got this.

    Liked by 1 person

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