If we were having coffee this weekend, I’d tell you this week is not for the faint of heart. Id’ encourage anyone that didn’t want to walk with me down the road of dealing with depression, that it would be ok to get off the bus now, and wait for things to level out. I wouldn’t hold it against anyone, cause I’d get off this damned bus if I could.
And this week, I’m realizing I can.
The first step is admitting I’m on the bus in the first place. Some of you may have noticed I don’t post much anymore–I’ve been depressed. I don’t know yet if it’s full on clinically depressed, or just gone through a funk, or what, but I take it as a good sign that it’s gotten bad enough I want it to stop. (…Cause that make sooooo much sense. Don’t I always?)
If you stuck around, I’d enlist your help. As much as you’re willing/able to give. Drop me a random comment/tweet telling me to smile, cause someone thought about me. Direct me to resources for finding a counselor willing to take on a polyamorous, genderfluid, bisexual pagan–because let’s face it, that’s a far cry from the mainstream, and the last thing I need someone trying to fix my problems by fixing things I don’t consider to be wrong with me (Pray the Gay Away my ass). I’d ask for emails and prayers, ask you tell me about the stupid little things in your day that make you happy. I’d ask you ask how Asylum is doing, and remind me that people do read this damned thing and want to know what I have to say. I’d ask you to do as little or as much as you’re comfortable doing, because I wouldn’t really be comfortable asking. But I know its time for something to change.
If you follow on other platforms (especially Twitter, I think), I’d tell you now that you might wanna mute me for a bit, because I’m going to be bombarding my little pieces of the internet with a combo of uplifting messages, and visibility posts so I can’t hide anymore. Because this has really been going on for YEARS, and the only person who’s known is my wonderfully support girlfriend, because she’s the one person I can’t hide from.
So yeah. This week, coffee would be on me, cause I’d feel guilty as hell for dragging you into this mess. But I’d hope that if you’d stuck around, made it this far, it’s because we’re really friends, and I’ve been too sad to see it. I want to have friends again. I want to get out of this dark, dark place. So if you’re still with me this far: hang in there, and help me hang in there. There’s a light at the end of this, and I think it’s where I get off this bus.