I spent Father’s day waiting for a call from my father. I wanted to call him, and tell him I love him, and tell him I’m thinking about him, but I can’t. I wrote a nice long letter with everything I meant to say, but couldn’t send it. Not on time. Because I didn’t think about it with enough time to get it in the mail. Because I can’t call him, he has to call me.
My father is in prison.
When I first found out, one of my first thoughts was “My father is DEAD, and I don’t even get to mourn him.”
Because that is what happened. My father died. My father was taken from me so thoroughly, he is effectively dead. When he comes out, he will not be the man that went in. I will never see my father again.
I am thinking of him today because it is also the day his father died. On a father’s day.
Father’s day is my ultimate day of loss.